I've always been someone who likes the things she likes with the passion of a thousand suns. Throughout my school years, I was generally known by my peers as "The [insert interest here] Girl". It made perfect sense considering I was always talking about whatever it was. In primary (elementary) school, I was "The Spice Girls Girl", "The Hanson Girl", "The Five Girl", etc. When I got to high school, I had three glorious years of being "The Lord of the Rings Girl" and a couple more after that as "The Orlando Bloom Girl".

Being that I've always been someone who is somewhat defined by what I like, there's always this somewhat sad and disappointed feeling that follows not being "The [insert interest here] Girl" anymore. It's the feeling I get when something I loved deeply stops being "mine". I can somewhat handle it when the end comes in an obvious form like disbandment, finding out someone's actually a pretty terrible person, or a complete change in direction, but when it's just because I don't like it anymore, it really stings.

Devin Townsend was my favourite artist for well over a decade. This is no mean feat, considering I used to change favourite bands and artists like underwear until I found home with Devin. His music was the embodiment of the ADHD I didn't know I had. Every album was different from the last, but still very much "Hevy Devy". Unfortunately, the "hevy" has started to drain a little from his output and I haven't really, truly enjoyed anything he's put out since Empath in 2019. Not even PowerNerd, which he marketed as a return to heavier stuff, did it for me.

Don't get me wrong. This side of him has always been there throughout his entire catalogue, and I don't dislike it, but I don't love it the way I loved the heavier side of his music. I can't be annoyed at him for that though. He followed where his head went, and that's basically the whole point of Devin Townsend. He makes the music that he wants to make and it's clearly reflective of where he is in life. Good for him! But bad for me and my very particular taste in music. And my feeling of "I am who I stan!".

I can't extend the same grace to Electric Callboy though. They're the most recent victim of this ✨quirk✨ of mine, but it's because I feel like the direction they've gone in is opposite to Devin. The music they're making now feels like pandering to the certain set of fans they collected as they exploded in popularity. I know I can't be mad at them for blowing up, but I can be mad at them for releasing songs that follow a very obvious formula that unfortunately works too well for them, in terms of sales, to even consider throwing older fans a bone.

I know it's a huge privilege to be able to make money from music, but when the music starts sounding like that's the only reason they're doing it bums me out. It's made even more obvious by the fact that it will be almost 4 years between the release of their latest album and TEKKNO, and the tracklisting suggests that there are only 5 songs we've not heard already. They're going to make fans pay album prices for an EP worth of songs. It feels icky, and what they've released so far isn't inspiring me to want to pay for it.

What's strange is the feeling I've experienced in losing my love for these artists is the same, despite being so different in cause. One is an artist that grew towards himself and the other is a band that grew toward the money, but the outcome is the same for me. I'm standing on the platform watching trains I used to ride disappear down the tracks. The trains are fine. The trains are doing great, actually. They're just going to somewhere I no longer wish to go.

... you will not believe this, but just as I was pulling that metaphor out of my ass, this came up on shuffle. Universe, what are you doing?! 😂

Anyway...

I think this is what having a passion for something does to you eventually. Just like humans are meant to evolve and change, so does art. Sometimes it changes for a good reason, sometimes for not such a good reason, but the change is inevitable. It just sucks that when you're a certain (weird?) kind of person, like I am, that change can feel like a loss of identity. I'm still a fan of Devin Townsend and Electric Callboy, of course, but I'm no longer "The Devin Townsend Girl" or "The Electric Callboy Girl". That's what I don't like about it.

At least I'm still "The Sumo Cyco Girl". This is a more complete and accurate representation of my identity anyway.